I've sat an pondered what I should talk about in this post today... or if I should even post today. I feel like I should tell you that I have held back a lot from these updates but almost feel like when Jesus is speaking in John16:12. So, for the time being we will continue on my internal journey as I learn more about who God is and, as I was created in His image, who I am.
This week it has been pressing upon me that here I am at a school of ministry and I still feel such a lack in my identity. That what I've believed isn't true or only half-truths and is not enough. During worship at school on Monday, someone said that there are some of us that are so able to call-out the gold in others, to see them how Poppa God sees them (what a blessing that is) but are unable to find the diamond in the rough of their own lives. Ha! It was as if she was not speaking to a crowd of 900+ but straight to my soul. I was feeling a barrier, just that morning, from feeling what all God had for me... but that wall is coming down fast!
This week it has been pressing upon me that here I am at a school of ministry and I still feel such a lack in my identity. That what I've believed isn't true or only half-truths and is not enough. During worship at school on Monday, someone said that there are some of us that are so able to call-out the gold in others, to see them how Poppa God sees them (what a blessing that is) but are unable to find the diamond in the rough of their own lives. Ha! It was as if she was not speaking to a crowd of 900+ but straight to my soul. I was feeling a barrier, just that morning, from feeling what all God had for me... but that wall is coming down fast!
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| "No one, no one, no one Can get in the way of what I'm feeling No one, no one, no one Can get in the way of what I feel for you" |
Seems so simple, but again I found a fear in my heart.
On Tuesday, in my new A.M.T. our teacher spoke on the importance of doing everything from love, but also the necessity of living out our identity. Again, Holy Spirit prompts me... just ask. I'll tell you, if you'd only ask.And again, fear showed it's ugly face~ I didn't want to ask...
I thought that 1) I wouldn't hear Him and/or I would just be me making something up.
2) I would annoy or bother Him. or 3) I wouldn't like what He says.
{Let's just take a second to laugh at those lies... HAHAHA!}
The truth: I hear from God. He loves spending time with me, listening and talking to me. He only has good thoughts towards me- full of hope, love and joy.
That night, my intern, Emily, helped me fully realize the lies that I had been believing. She prayed for me and in that moment I asked of Him the same question He asked the disciples in Mark 8:29, "Who do You say that I am?" He spoke swiftly and aptly Warrior Princess. like He had been waiting His entire existence to whisper the secret.
Wednesday, I quieted my fear once again and I continued to listen as He continued to speak into me my identity and worth: I am a bringer of life, a carrier of peace, a caregiver, a safe place, multi-faceted. I release peace, speak to the heart. I am favored one, a lover of joy, loyal, a beauty to be polished, an awakener. He created me as "spark"& "nourishment". He calls me "singer" which is from a book called Runt, about a young wolf who grew up small and sick, always thought he was in the way and never joined his pack when they howled, but after experiences -joys and tragedies- a time of growth and transition, he now had a song... and his song brought life to his pack. He was then given a new name "Singer". He was no longer known for his lack but for who He was meant to be all along. I am not a Runt in this world, my daddy calls me Singer!
I've been learning a lot more about the significance of names as I've studied the names of God, and that they express far more of His character than we could ever attempt.
Because He is Immanuel=God with us I am reminded that I don't bother Him. He so wanted to spend time with me that He initiated it. Jehovah-Jireh=Lord will provide is a name that brings new life to a hopeless situation. El Roi=God who sees me means that I never go unnoticed. and the wonderful list goes on.
My new nephew has also reminded me of the grand importance a name possesses
Wednesday, I quieted my fear once again and I continued to listen as He continued to speak into me my identity and worth: I am a bringer of life, a carrier of peace, a caregiver, a safe place, multi-faceted. I release peace, speak to the heart. I am favored one, a lover of joy, loyal, a beauty to be polished, an awakener. He created me as "spark"& "nourishment". He calls me "singer" which is from a book called Runt, about a young wolf who grew up small and sick, always thought he was in the way and never joined his pack when they howled, but after experiences -joys and tragedies- a time of growth and transition, he now had a song... and his song brought life to his pack. He was then given a new name "Singer". He was no longer known for his lack but for who He was meant to be all along. I am not a Runt in this world, my daddy calls me Singer!
I've been learning a lot more about the significance of names as I've studied the names of God, and that they express far more of His character than we could ever attempt.
Because He is Immanuel=God with us I am reminded that I don't bother Him. He so wanted to spend time with me that He initiated it. Jehovah-Jireh=Lord will provide is a name that brings new life to a hopeless situation. El Roi=God who sees me means that I never go unnoticed. and the wonderful list goes on.
My new nephew has also reminded me of the grand importance a name possesses
Ezra Legacy Moore
While I was listening, He also told me your name is meant for you!So, I looked up the meaning:
Jessica: wealthy, blessed. grace. God watches or beholds. foresight; being able to see potential in the future.
Jessica: wealthy, blessed. grace. God watches or beholds. foresight; being able to see potential in the future.
Nicole: victory of the people. people of victory/victorious people.
Moore: noble, great, mighty, proud. chief.
hmm... What does your name mean? Does it portray who you really are- who you were created to be?
I'd love to hear about it :o)
hmm... What does your name mean? Does it portray who you really are- who you were created to be?
I'd love to hear about it :o)
Worship (Thursday at TwinView) was a God-encounter... not really sure there is another way to describe it.
Tonight, I found myself just wanting to be thankful for everything that He has already done in my life (even in the lack) because I have Him, I have more than enough. I found myself so full of joy and overflowing with love. For those of you that don't know I have fallen in love with the freedom of worship here at Bethel. I love to dance in order to express the music and myself. Those that have seen me dance- it is wild, free, passionate... a 'warrior' dance, as I've come to call it. Though, secretly, I love the twirling, flowy, graceful dances- but those only happen when no one else is around to see. Ha! I've been so afraid to allow myself to dance this way- scared that I would make a fool out of myself.
I felt like something was holding me back, but then I remember the conversation I had with Emily- and that it was my choice whether I moved or not. No shame, No second-thoughts - just do.
The song 'How He loves' began to play and my heart lept, because this was the song that was playing durring my breakthrough on Tuesday night! I began to dance... not my usual warrior dance, but finally a princess dance. HA! That may seem so simple and cheesy, but to me that's everything! There is freedom and fullness of life when you know who you were created to be and live out of that.
I was also just filled up with His love tonight, so much that it was overflowing.
I sat down and just tried to imagine that I was like John- wanting nothing but to lean against Him and listen for the heart of Christ, the gentle breath of God. Oh, wow! Such a sweet time just enjoying His presence.
I feel so new, so alive - like I'm living for the first time.
Tonight, I found myself just wanting to be thankful for everything that He has already done in my life (even in the lack) because I have Him, I have more than enough. I found myself so full of joy and overflowing with love. For those of you that don't know I have fallen in love with the freedom of worship here at Bethel. I love to dance in order to express the music and myself. Those that have seen me dance- it is wild, free, passionate... a 'warrior' dance, as I've come to call it. Though, secretly, I love the twirling, flowy, graceful dances- but those only happen when no one else is around to see. Ha! I've been so afraid to allow myself to dance this way- scared that I would make a fool out of myself.
I felt like something was holding me back, but then I remember the conversation I had with Emily- and that it was my choice whether I moved or not. No shame, No second-thoughts - just do.
The song 'How He loves' began to play and my heart lept, because this was the song that was playing durring my breakthrough on Tuesday night! I began to dance... not my usual warrior dance, but finally a princess dance. HA! That may seem so simple and cheesy, but to me that's everything! There is freedom and fullness of life when you know who you were created to be and live out of that.
I was also just filled up with His love tonight, so much that it was overflowing.
I sat down and just tried to imagine that I was like John- wanting nothing but to lean against Him and listen for the heart of Christ, the gentle breath of God. Oh, wow! Such a sweet time just enjoying His presence.
I feel so new, so alive - like I'm living for the first time.
So, I pray that you feel His arms wrapped around you, that He would give you wonderful dreams and a revelation of how He sees you. <3
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