Wednesday, January 5, 2011

what is >THIS< all about?

Okay, here's the deal... I have had thoughts running non-stop and managed to keep myself up past 4. Just thinking. My solution is to try and write it out I'll use this as my journal today, I suppose
in other words- if you end up reading this entire post you deserve a prize!

The title of my blog as you well know while sitting on this site is "For Sush a Time as This..." so what is it that I was made to do, what is my significant task, what has been risen up in me -for such a time as this?
I know this borders on the line of wanting to know what my future holds, but I think it is far more than a fear of being alone, the worry of 'what am I going to do w/ my life'...  because I know that my life is FOR something. For the past year(maybe a little less) I have been challenged in my thinking. While my brother and sister are on their journey I have been taken along for the ride, so to speak.
Before they moved in August, my sister-in-law painted a tree for me that has words of knowledge 'hidden' w/in the leaves. I created a prayer using these words/things to ask God to "please bless me w/ them and Himself"   _I don't know what I can do, who I can be- but Jesus, I want you and what you have for me. Reveal through me beauty; a spark that brings life to the dead. Let me be a mighty woman, a voice of hope. Help me set the captives free and nations be drawn to me. Can I be more than a conqueror? A victorious rider called faithful and true. ♥ Jesus, I'm not sure what I want... except I want more of You_
These are things that I most assuredly want, but here's the thing! I already possess these things Jesus has already given me all of Himself... and I believe He has already blessed me w/ those longing of my heart without me having to plead for His favor. I am seen well and full in the eyes of my Lord. (wow... that's good to know :)   I've had it spoken over me that I am a spark... and I will bring life to the dead. It has also been said that no matter where I am I will reveal Christ through signs and wonders and a shepard. I am have been called one of prophecy... all of this to say I have no idea what to do with all of this.
There is something in my heart that screams "YES! This is yours take it! You know you're longings to be significant, to be valued, to be irreplaceable- they're not just daydreams!"  I know God has placed something great in this spirit of mine, and I am beginning to learn bit by bit what that is- such as what was spoken above but also taking into consideration Mark 16:15-20 . I'm believer, am I not? So, I accept that His signs will confirm His words that I speak. This may take me some getting used to, to say the least.
That would explain the "stake" that I feel my heart has placed on Isaiah 61 most of all verse 1 "The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners," -If you know me, or even if you've only read my first two posts you know that this in it's entirety is my heart.   The first time I read that passage my heart leapt... HaHa!
I still have every hope that one day I will be able to fulfill my dream of opening both 'Spark' and 'Pheonix' ministries though I believe it will take time and God will use me wherever He takes me- so, now I am just watching and waiting to see where He leads- Lord, You know I'm ready

I still sit and wonder how I will get to "the end" result, but mostly I am excited for the journey, the miles to go, I am ready for such a time as this...
All this to say, I still don't know what >THIS< is all about - not sure I ever will